Best of Wheaton Craigslist: Grumpy Monkey; Shark Cutout

Large Waving Santa

Someone in Naperville has outgrown their Santa, or rather, Santa outgrew the home. He’s “just too big for my house now,” this Naperville seller writes, which sounds like the jolly red fellow’s years of milk-and-cookies abuse finally caught up with him. Of course, animatronics aren’t generally known for putting on weight… If your home is big enough for Santa, he “can sit on your front porch or in your window and wave to everyone going by” for $150.

$250 Bottle of Beer 

And that $250 is completely non-negotiable: “No trades. No mailing. $250 is firm,” a Downers Grove seller writes. Look, I get that Munster, IN brewery Three Floyd’s Dark Lord is considered one of the best beers in the world, and the seasonal varieties are particularly special—they went for $50 each at this year’s ultra-exclusive “Dark Lord Day” festival. But what on earth do you pair with a $250 beer that you bought at a 500 percent markup? Unicorn cutlets?

‘Rave Bongo’ Not What You Think

It may sound like something liable to get you in trouble with the DEA, but no, the Rave Bongo is actually just a sweet floating trampoline, suitable for all sorts of summer antics if you happen to be lucky enough to live within easy access of six feet of swim-friendly water. It anchors to the bottom, has a ladder on the side and will totally get you high on life. A Darien seller is offering it for $499. 

Play Soccer with Marbles

The game of soccer can be played in many forms, from foosball to FIFA (to FIFA ’13, my preferred venue.) But how about playing it by firing steel balls out of chutes? Like a mix between table soccer and that 90’s board game Crossfire, boccerball (boccerball!) is played by rolling little marbles into the ball to knock it into the opponent’s goal, and it looks absolutely amazing. A Glen Ellyn seller is offering this table for just $50.

Goofy Shark Photo Cut-Out 

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the cutout… A Wheaton seller not only recommends using this five foot tall cardboard shark for funny kids’ photos, but also as a beanbag toss game (inventive!) “This snarling cardboard and corrugated shark looks like he has gobbled up your guests!” the seller writes. Now there’s a party to remember. It’s $30 out of Wheaton. 

Big Ol’ Stuffed Monkey

For just $5 from a Wheaton seller, why not give Santa up there a helper? No, I don’t know what a monkey would be doing at the North Pole, but it’s a funny mental image. And if that’s not your thing, well, there’s really no shortage of funny things to do with a four-foot-tall stuffed monkey, right? For the price of a Happy Meal, can you really go wrong?

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Have you seen a unique Craigslist posting in your town? Tell us about it by e-mailing darren@patch.com.