Written by Darren McRoy
The following items and postings were found on Craigslist for the DuPage County area. Note: Patch has no control over the status of these posts on Craigslist and how long they remain available.
This is what happens when you let Polly watch too much HBO. A Glen Ellyn seller is asking $2,000 for this umbrella cockatoo, but with, um, a couple minor caveats. First, he’s a bit finicky about his food. And secondly, if he doesn’t like it, you’re going to know in the worst possible way: “he does say some inappropriate words.” Yikes. The seller hopes to find him “a good home,” but are we ruling out a stand-up special?
Pooh Dressed Like Dracula
“I vant to drink your honey!” The famously fluff-stuffed ursine of the Hundred Acre Wood gets a bit more macabre in this iteration, donning the garb of an undead, lecherous, bloodsucking prince of hell. (Run, Christopher Robin!) This Halloween special is available for $5 from Woodridge, and, of course, it’s all in good fun… until your Piglet toy starts suspiciously losing its stuffing…
For clamping over your nose during really, really bad smells, perhaps? Well, the stated use of these Pottery Barn eight-inch-tall clothespins is as quirky décor, but they are functional and can hold art, pictures or yo’ momma’s dress (‘cause she so fat…) There are 10 available of different colors, $7 each or $65 for all, out of Lisle.
Remote-Controlled Spider (Eek)
This remote-controlled tarantula is guaranteed to provide hours of entertainment as you zip it around—oh, who are we kidding, you’re going to use it to scare the daylights out of your loved ones, and why would you do anything else? It’s $15 out of Wheaton, and the seller bears no responsibility for anyone’s soiled pants, ensuing beatings or forced couch-sleeping.
Be a Kid in a Candy Store
Want to watch your kids’ eyes go wide? Tell them that a Downers Grove candy store is having a going-out-of-business sale. Better yet, tell them that you’re going to own the business. All they’re asking to take over the 15-year-old business is to pay for their inventory (no price listed.) For a similarly wide-eyed reaction, though for somewhat different reasons, you can then inform the kids’ dentist.
Princess Di Beanie Baby
… no, not actually a stuffed effigy of Princess Diana, that would be weird even for Ty (who, incidentally, if you didn’t know, are based right here in DuPage.) No, this is a purple bear with a flower over its heart and the typical cutesy poem replaced with a sweet eulogy to Di. “A beautiful reminder of the gracious Princess,” the Woodridge seller offering it for $15 says. Please house on a different shelf from Paparazzo Bear.
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