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Local Patch Readers’ Respond: How Cold Is It?

“It’s so cold that …” St. Charles and Wheaton Patch Facebook followers fill in the blank.

In the movie “A Christmas Story,” it was so cold one child got his tongue frozen to a flagpole. St. Charles and Wheaton Patch asked readers this week, “How cold is it?” | Credit: Patch file
In the movie “A Christmas Story,” it was so cold one child got his tongue frozen to a flagpole. St. Charles and Wheaton Patch asked readers this week, “How cold is it?” | Credit: Patch file

Credit the idea for this story to this Johnny Carson fan.


"It's so cold ..." Carson would ask, to which the audience would respond, "How cold is it?"

"Why it’s so cold that …"

  • Snowmen have begun migrating to Florida.

  • I saw an elected Democrat walking down the street with his hands in his own pockets.

  • I started a fire to keep warm but the flames froze.


So St. Charles Patch and Wheaton Patch posed that very question Monday on Facebook, asking their followers to respond.


Perhaps one of the most humorous responses came from a Wheaton Patch Facebook follower, Nancy Hensley, who wrote it’s so cold out that “the local flasher would only just describe himself to women who walked by.”


It should be noted that Wheaton police did arrest a suspect while investigating a series of indecent exposure incidents in November.


Some played it straight in their responses, saying it’s so cold out ...


“Because it's January.” — St. Charles Patch follower Jen Watkins.


“.....my daughter's hair formed icicles while she soaked in the hot tub this afternoon.” — Kirsten Lundgaard Izatt, a Wheaton Patch fan.


“With every step there's a crunch!” — St. Charles Patch Facebook follower Lea Jackman.


“I can walk my poodles off leash and they won't run away.” — Kevin Klepper, another Wheaton Patch fan.


“I baked all day to keep the oven going.” — Meaghan Duncan Kelch, another Wheaton Patch follower.


But there were plenty of others who, like Hensley, were willing to show some wit while filling in the blank to, It’s so cold that ...


“I cna't eevn tpye stirahgt....” — Jeff Fender, another St. Charles Patch fan.


“Its so cold out that even the coldest insult from your ex could warm you up.” —  Jacob Metzger, another Wheaton Patch fan.


“I'm actually getting stuff done around the house.” — Kerri Lee-Young, also a St. Charles Patch follower.


“We did lots of liquid to solid science projects.” — Cheri Keiran Gossage, a Wheaton Patch fan.


Two Wheaton Patch fans shared rather wistful posts.


“last summer's heat wave sounds so good right now!” — Sheila Dewell.


“Want to hibernate.” — Sue Stozek Mayeda.


One Wheaton Patch follower, Tom Koyzis, seemed to want to rub it in a bit, saying it’s so cold out “….that I now live in MIami, so it isn't cold here…..”


Finally, Susanna Ormiston Hite, A St. Charles Patch Facebook fan, posted her response with an apparent cellphone image of a rather confusing forecast for Wasco. She wrote that it’s so cold out, “Even the weatherman doesn't know what to call it!”


Whether you favor the term Chiberia, polar vortex or some other monicker, one thing is certain.


It’s darned cold out there.


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